18 Jan
I’m not afraid of getting old anymore, neither of seeing grey hair nor realising fine lines on my face. I appreciate the every moment I have got to recognise them.
I am happy that I had yesterday, still living today and will be happy to welcome tomorrow. I feel lucky every time I open my eyes to a new day and see the sunrise. Because there is still hope for me to succeed in life and get one step closer to the things I have been longing for.
And, yes happy birthday to me!
16 Jan
We have just come back from our 2nd camping trip but this time we have been to the north coast. There isn’t any soft sands like the south coast, just rocks and stones. It made the journey too bumpy and uncomfortable but the view was worth seeing.
The last camping we didn’t have a tent so we slept in the car. It wasn’t very comfortable so we ended up buying a tent for this trip. Everything was very warm and enjoyable except our tent. The zip came off and we had to sleep with the zip open. Because of the damp I woke up my hair wet and freezing. Only good thing about it was falling asleep listening to the sound of the sea and breathing the fresh air. Also I shouldn’t forget the stars shining on us.
I had beautiful dreams and slept so peacefully after a long time. Falling asleep with the sound of sea (or rain) is just priceless…
12 Jan
When I heard about the show, first doubted about going but I did in the end as it was also for a birthday. The reason behind it; my lack of understanding English humour. It doesn’t matter how good you learn the language, you still cannot learn the humour of the natives in that culture. That’s what I was told and what I experienced. I watched many comedians but either didn’t understand as they were refering to the certain events/situations/cultural jokes I had no idea of or didn’t find it funny at all.
Yesterday I went to the show with all these thoughts in my mind. 3 comedians from the UK took the stage in turn. The first one was alright, the second one was even better and the third made me laugh the most. I actually enjoyed the show. I still can’t believe that, though. Either I’m getting used to the English way of life and humour or those 3 comedians were exceptional.
Maybe I’m the one who is changing after all. A couple of years ago when I first tried porridge, I hated it. Talking now I love it and even get cravings for it. The idea of adding milk in a tea sounded too wrong in the beginning but now it is one of the best things in the world to me. I can’t recognise myself. Is that really me?
Here comes the proverb; ” Üzüm üzüme baka baka kararır.”
The literal translation- Grapes will darken by looking at each other.
The meaning – People are affected by those around them.
8 Jan
Doha book fair at the Doha International Exhibition Centre will be open to public twice daily from 9 am to 1 pm and 4 to 10 pm until 9th January.
Contemporary art exhibition at the Grand Hyatt will be open for viewing from 10 am to 1 pm and 5 – 8 pm until 11th January.
Cowboy up – food and Country Western music at the Salsa Restaurant at the Doha Marriot on 16th January. Entrance and buffet for QR 150.
Live music listings;
7 Jan
Started writing on the 6th of December 2009
In 8 days, we have managed to visit 2 cities and have seen almost everyone in the family. Also arranged 2 dinner/bar meetings both with high school and uni friends. It looks like I have missed a lot for the last couple of years; met boyfriends, husbands and got baby news of some friends who couldn’t make it to the meetings. It was lovely to see everyone and I really enjoyed it. I don’t think I was quiet even for a second. Jo puzzled to see me talking that much. Oh well… there is no other language than your first which you can express yourself very well and make jokes and also you don’t have to worry about if they are going to misunderstand you or they will catch the humour in it.
I know this feeling very well because Jo explains to me what people mean when they are joking or using idioms in English. I still remember the days I ended up crying for days because of the things people told me or tried to understand what they meant. Communicating in a foreign language and living in a different culture… still trying to get used to it. I’m improving I can say, at least I don’t get shocked when I see something unusual and learning to like differences.
Completed writing on the 6th of January 2010
The street lights, decorations, new year trees (Christmas trees are called so in Turkey) were all up in Istanbul. Even Istanbul was ready for the new year.
A new year, a new decade… and I have realised that I had all the big excitements, the firsts, disappointments, grief, big changes, life time experiences in the last decade.
At the start of millenium we lost my mum’s dad. It wasn’t a good start for the millenium. First time we had chaos in our close-knit family and felt the grief.
A year after I started uni and a new life in a fascinating city Istanbul. I met Jo and it was a big turnout in my life which made me realise the existence of different kind of men (!) in this universe than the ones I had known when I almost gave up hope on men. He was neither judging me because of my choices nor categorizing me like others. I grew up upon listening to advices on how to become “a good girl to be married”. Otherwise I would be “a girl to have fun with” only and left for an other girl who is to be married instead of me. In those times I had no idea what “having fun” meant and I used to reply to the advices by saying ” …but I want to have fun” and almost giving people heart attacks. (!)
Another sorrow and then another hit our family. We lost my dad’s dad and a few months later my dad’s mum.
I graduated from uni and joined Jo in London. We have started a new life together after our marriage and enjoyed our entended family. I became an auntie, this is definitely a sweet feeling.
New start in a new country shadowed by 3 losses. So hard so sad, spent the last year scared and worried. Even stopped calling people, just wanted to remember everyone how I left them; alive and happy. Wanted to freeze the time so would never have to let anyone go. I hate saying goodbyes but it is time to let go.
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet white doves in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
1 Jan
Now it is 2010! Every new year I used to be full of hopes and expectations. I used to be lively and in the mood of celebrating. I started the day happy and decided to be lively and join in everything at our friends’ new year party. I was fine until the last hours of 2009. I became too emotional suddenly, every single memory of my friends and grandmother popped into my mind. I never had the chance to say goodbye to any of them. While visiting Turkey, my parents told me that my grandmum died at the age of 75 a couple of months ago but they kept it from me as I was deeply suffering from grief already. They waited to say it to me face to face so they could be there for me.
It is time to remember them with good memories, I think. I shouldn’t be suffering when I think of them. This doesn’t sound right.
With the help of Jo, I could get back to the party again mentally and enjoyed the very first hours of the new year with friends and friends’ friends.
Praying for a healthy long life for all the people I love and care for. I hope we all could get the chance to live long enough to have kids and grandchildren (at least).
If we get back to the party, Jo sang the same song from our wedding. I think it was an impressive performance and the couple of people told me he was a good karaoke singer. 2 people in the party also told me that I sound like I have got a nice voice so I should sing as well. Oh well..I didn’t drink enough to start singing. 🙂
We met a German-English man at the party. He was an interesting character. After I told him where I was from and worked as an interpreter in Hackney, he started to tell me about his Turkish friends and that they lived in a Turkish area in North London. He seemed to have been impressed by a couple of Turkish films; Head-on and The Edge of Heaven (my favourites) and the director Fatih Akin. His girlfriend is Russian/Mongolian and it makes them even more interesting.
It was so easy to talk to them almost about everything while they knew so much about Turks and share the same interests. It is a shame that they are only visiting, not regulars…
Downtown Doha 